Just because her eyes don't tear doesn't mean her heart doesn't cry. I could go on with my day and act like everything is okay. But as my life goes on, it hurts more in every way. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what I wanna see. My word use to be worth living for, and now it's hard enough just to be me. I don't know if I'm getting better or just used to be pain. I didn't want to admit it. It was easier to lie. Hide the hurt and emptiness to smile instead of cry.
Behind my smile is everything you'll never understand. There's nothing more depressing than having it all and still feeling sad. I'm going to smile and make you think I'm happy. I'm going to laugh so you don't see me cry. And even if it kills, I'm going to smile.
I think I'd do better on my own, no friends, no fights but just me all alone. I'm tired of lying. I'm tired of crying. I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying. I just want a day to go by when I'm not pretending to be happy. Maybe if I wasn't so good at pretending to be happy, I might learn to actually be happy.
Why do I try not to cry? Sometimes, I think I could die. But when it comes out, I just want to shout, and scream and cry it all out. Behind this innocent smile of mine, lay words that go unsaid. Words of longing, love, anger and hate, all repeating inside my head.
I don't need a reason to kill myself , I need a reason not to. I could die at any moment, the tragedy is that I don't. But things can't be perfect all the time, that i know, sometimes we just have to let some things go. I think the easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.
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